Healing from shame requires boldness, courage, and tremendous strength of character to face it once, and for all have it absolve, dissolve or be released, never to return. Here are three stories of three different people who found the antidote to their shame and healed from it once and for all.

1. STRIPPING = “It (stripping) healed the wounds of a strict, religious upbringing, freeing me from a lot of Catholic shame.” In this NY Times article, a woman named Edie Montana healed what she called her “Catholic shame” by becoming a stripper. In my reflection, what she did was step outside of her traditional cultural “acceptable” “good girl” role, that gave her the shame in the first place, and into a subculture, that healed her of the shame. As she said, “My job has meant independence, healing and freedom.”

2. TAKING HIS CHILD ABUSER TO COURT – “He took his 68-year-old secret (of being molested as a child) to court and finally confronted his ghost.” In this NY Times article, a successful 79 year old man, named Robin Davis, confronted the one thing that never left him, shame, by filing a lawsuit and speaking publicly about how and by whom he was molested when he was a 10 year old boy.

In the end, it was one word that was spoken by a psychologist at the trial that freed him. The psychologist named Valentina Stoycheva, testified about the “Fight or Flight” response to trauma, adding the word, “Freeze,” further stating, “The ‘freeze’ response, which is basically your nervous system tells you to stop whatever else you are doing, just endure, just survive, just make sure you get through this.”

Mr. Davis broke down into tears and said, “That single word, ‘freeze,’ was like a pardon, handed down upon a 10-year-old boy who had lived with the weight of having said nothing. To the 79-year old man he became, that word swept in feelings altogether new to him. Absolved. Not guilty.”

3. SIGNING UP FOR ORGASMIC MEDITATION – This story is about me. I carried shame for having an orgasm problem for more than three decades. Sex therapy did not heal it, neither did attending 12 step support groups, talking with friends or partners about it, journaling or reflecting on it. No. it required more of me than that. It required me to move out, not just step out of my comfort zone. It required a life change. A new way to experience myself and my world.

In 2017, I signed up for a 7-month Orgasmic Meditation Coaching Program in London. I had no idea what this was about other than having watched a YouTube video about how the body needs to be involved in the healing of sexual trauma.

I showed up at this first meeting in London with my shame in my suitcase. Yep, just me here with my shame. I walked into this meeting and to my surprise, there was a party going on. I was shocked and I swear it felt like my shame had lost its strength and power over me in this very moment. It was as if my shame had no place in this room filled with positive energy and more than 100 people celebrating the beginning of this 7 month course. It was as if my closed suitcase of shame burst open and my shame just went out the window. It was gone. Just like that. Never to return.