That depends on which woman you’re trying to please. Before we even begin, let’s change the phrase “trying to please” to “experiencing your woman in arousal and orgasm.” Women can sense when men are “trying to please” them sexually and that can be a turnoff and create disconnection and goal orientation. And to women, when you are sensing your man trying his hardest to get you off and you are disconnecting or checking out or going to fake it instead, slow it down, go into your goddess, use your body and your voice to re-connect with yourself and partner. Stop completely if you need and want to. Either way – “trying” denotes “effort” and “thinking” and thinking and orgasm, for women, do not go together.  So my one suggestion out of the gate to men – do not “try”…focus instead on “experiencing” your aroused woman….connect with her sensations…with her moans….feel her.. and experience her. And to women, no ‘trying’ either. Do not put any pressure on yourself to come. Experience your sensations, let them rise in you, stop when you need to, and your pleasure and climax will rise naturally without thinking or trying. Easier said than done I know. That said, I would not be writing about this trying issue had I not experienced it myself.

Here are a few excerpts from the article and study that is referenced:

  • Women have a diverse set of preferences when it comes to reaching orgasm.
  • Not all orgasms are created equal — 77.5% of women agreed that some orgasms felt better than others.
  • More than one-third of women don’t require clitoral stimulation during intercourse in order to have an orgasm, but they find that clitoral stimulation makes their orgasms better.
  • As women (and couples) explore a woman’s body, and gain new insights women are better able to enhance their experience of orgasm.
  • About two-thirds of women preferred direct clitoral stimulation, while 5 percent preferred their partner to avoid the clitoris altogether.
  • Most of the women, 63.7 percent, said they enjoyed an up and down motion on their vulva,  51.6 percent, enjoyed circular movements and 30.6 percent enjoyed side-to-side movements. Less popular options included pressing in one spot, pulling, squeezing and tapping.
  • 75% of women endorsed a rhythmic motion, a motion that circles around the clitoris, switching between different motions, and switching between more and less intense touch.

“Women are highly diverse when it comes to what turns them on and what kinds of touch they find pleasurable, which underscores just how important it is for couples to explore together, to be open to talking with one another about sexual techniques, and to develop a language that helps them to share their desires with one another,” Herbenick said.